April fool

Seven emergency calls, 1 left at scene, 1 hoax, 3 conveyed, 2 needed an ambulance.

A suspended 0ctogenarian started the day off. It came in as a 'faint, not breathing at all' strangely enough, I guess that's the kind of confusion that takes over when you are elderly and a loved one has dropped to the floor suddenly. Personally, I'd rather go that way then any other.

I worked on him with a crew and another FRU responder and, I have to say, it was fruitless from the start. His heart had given up and there was no way on Earth it was going to pump again. This was a hard working man who had probably lived a full life. I don't think he would have appreciated any extra time if he had been given it - the quality of such a life is usually very poor. Nevertheless we spent half an hour trying our best and achieving nothing. The bravest person in the room was his sibling who had to bear the sights and sounds of our efforts, only to be told that there was nothing else we could do. We stopped when inevitability became too obvious to continue. We left him on a sofa, wrapped in a blanket with his eyes closed. He looked asleep and that's a nice way to leave it, I think.

The April fool for the day was a hoax call to a suicidal female. I arrived with the police and we quickly unravelled the facts on scene. First of all the staff at the hostel had no idea what we were talking about, secondly it transpired that the call had originated outside of London and finally, it was a men's hostel. No females allowed. Another few hundred quid of your hard earned taxes up in high jinks. Happy days.

A severe asthma attack had me driving at speed in order to administer the necessary care but I arrived to discover an Italian lady who was having a mild panic attack. She had a chest infection and that was giving her a little trouble breathing but it wasn't asthma and it wasn't severe and the call should have been made to her G.P.

I drove the patient's daughter and grand-daughter to the hospital with the ambulance in convoy and we chatted. We discussed, among other things, the reason why there were so many Italians in Scotland. During WWII, the country had been used to incarcerate Italian POW's and those who were considered a threat to National security. When they were released a lot of them set up businesses and became prominent and well respected members of the Scottish community. Our famous ice cream (fried or not) is all down to them. We don't grind any axes with them and I have an affinity for the Italian people as a result of this integration.

She found it interesting anyway.

Later on I went to the aid of an elderly woman who had fallen in a public place and sustained facial injuries. When I arrived on scene the security man had moved her, despite being told not to by Control and a few bystanders. He also took photographs of her injuries, which were relatively minor. She had tripped over a paving slab so I'm guessing, since this was a private walkway (even though a public place), he was getting evidence for any claim that might be made. I presume he was protecting his employer against the possibility of an exaggerated claim but I could be wrong - tell me if you know better.

A female with abdominal pain kept me busy after that. She didn't need (or want) pain relief and she was able to walk to the car but it took me almost 20 minutes to persuade her to move at all. There were certain positions she could not adopt without increasing the pain, luckily standing wasn't one of them.

I saw those mad roller skater types again. There must be a club or something. I saw 20-30 of them wheeling down the road as I past. Some of them were dressed up and one of them was a bunny girl, real or imagined. Obviously, for the sake of driver safety I had to avert my eyes.

Towards the end of the shift I got a call to a young girl with chest pains. She had no cardiac history and no other illnesses but she was a very nervous type, so it all comes down to anxiety, although from what, I do not know. She went to hospital anyway because you can never tell for sure. She was accompanied by her friend and was smiling and cheerful enough when we got to our destination. A quick ECG later and she was sitting out front in reception. Told you.

Just as I was relaxing and coming out of work mode, I was asked to attend another young girl. This time it was an anaphylactic reaction (wrongly termed 'anaphylactic shock'). By the time I arrived, she had injected her own Adrenaline using her Epipen and had fully recovered. I had to persuade her to go to hospital with the crew who arrived soon after me because she was determined not to get checked out as she had a gig to go to later. She had another Epipen and was happy to take the risk and use that if something went awry but this was her 41st attack (not that day obviously) and I spent a good deal of time and energy explaining to her that she wasn't necessarily safe. At her age, anything going wrong may have fallen our our heads (the LAS) and so it was prudent, I think, to get her checked out. She probably found a back way out of the hospital and went to the gig anyway.

I was sitting in the car completing my paperwork and hoping that this would be the end of the shift for me when I saw a man rolling about on his mobility scooter looking at different views of the hospital with interest. I had to smile because I noticed he had his dog, a little Jack Russell, sitting at his feet on the vehicle, following his master's gaze at the whatever took his fancy. Those little scotters must be turbocharged these days. He was doing a fair pelt and his dog's face was pulling back with the force of the wind! Funny things - dogs with wind-blown faces.

Be safe.